Sadness- June 4 2011

Deejay and me are...ify. I dont really know what that means, but to me our relationship is slowly going in a down wards spiral, and im sad...alot and really miss him. if he ends it then...im going to cry. I've never in my life cried over a guy, you cant comprehend how much he ment to me.

Last For a While. May 9

I know its been a long while sine my last post. I dont worry about Miller or Zack anymore, i met a new guy. Deejay is great, him and me had out first kiss on Sunday, we text alot, and i think he really loves me. We tell each other that periodically. Im gunna quite blogging for a little while, no body reads it anyway so logging off.

April 3 2011- Bree

I GOT A PUPPY! shes a Rottweiler puppy 5 weeks old named Bree. I got the name (nerd alert) from Lord of The Rings when Frodo and his hobbit friends went to the town of Bree and to a bar called the Prncing Pony to meet Gandolf, instead the met Aragorn who saved them from the black riderers who servered Lord Saron. I know nerdy but we really shouldn't hate nerds! If we didnt have nerds we wouldn't have phones, computers, cars! We would stil be liveing in frinkin caves if it wasnt for nerds! So be nice to nerds.

MARCH 28 2011- Loppieness

My Medication Makes Me Mighty Mental.

(P.S the medication that I am speaking of is doctor prescribed as a pain medication for my back after my extensive surgery march 24 10011)

March 27 2011-3 days after my surgery

im in so much pain. I need help getting out of bed and getting into bed. I have to take 4 different kinds of pills every 4 hours. Sitting is the most hurtful position to be in. Walking isnt so bad but i can sometimes get a little naseus after too long. I need help going to the bathroom. Bet i cn flush the toliet by myself and im getting better at Moving around in bed like turning my hips and chest. I hurt but this will all pass. Im also getting 2 kittens today or tommorow and after i move in a week im getting a rottwilier puppy.

UGH! SHIT! Hes in a relationship again! with some girl whos not even pretty! named Callie Hangerman! why God oh

why?! I think im giving up on the search for my lover Miller. Im giving up because we are just to far away, mabye we arn't made for each other. But i have new searches to search at church. At church now there are 3 cute guys who well at least two think im hot! and yes God im going to church every Sunday and Wednesday!!! life is content right now.

by the way this picture is just awsome but it really has no purpouse but to be there!

March 15 2011- I'm eating pretzels

I haven't talked with my dad in at least 2 1/2 weeks. I'm not sad it was my decision to completely ignore him. I think our (me and my mothers) presence isn't helping his atempt at being sober. So our hypothosis is that ignoreing him and not helping him in anyway will help him become more independent and that will give him things to do instead of sitting around watching T.V and getting drunk. But we actually have no clue, all our other hypothsis's have failed...epicly!
Also my surgery in next week on Thursday the 24 of March 2011!!!

hint: Next year the world will end. Be prepared...haha joking!

Sexting

Me and Lewis got to texting he asked for a picture of my vagina, i sent onebut with my underwear on. He sent me a picure of his cock then i sent him a picture of my boobs. This is my first encounter with sexting and with a guy who has a girlfriend of all things!!!

Realationship problems at 13

Theo Williams is a good, funny, awesome, black, friend of mine. He's practically my best guy friend! He obviously (by what happened last night) wants to be more then friends! He asked me out and for at least 3 hours talked only about perverted subjects. Theres multiple problems to this situation. Hes black which isn't a bad thing but me (and many others i know!) think white people should be with white people and viceversa with blacks! Another is he has been a real fucker in the past, he's just being a normal, annoying, kinda rude ass 13 year old boy but sometimes what he says hurts! Also he informed me that Lewis (his best friend and my other guy friend) likes me too. Lewis has been worse then Theo on the name calling but Theo sits there and laughs at what he says. Then theres Logan a fat lard who likes me and i dislike his piggy guts! This is all new to me because no guy has ever liked me before because I'm tall and well you have to know me well to appreciate me!

He hugged her today. Miller May hugged her! Rebecca Lugo's life is forfilled and i stood there and watched as her dream (at the moment) came true while mine got crushed into little pieces like shattered glass. My life is horrible now, this whole day was a living nightmare!

I'm spending the night with Caroline this weekend- week! We are on our way ALL they way to Mongumery in Georgia! i'm coming home on Saturday next week. I'm exsited we are going to her fathers house where his busissness is boat tours and parties. it's the kind of boat you can reserve a couple hours to have a party, bithday, even wedding (but i'd prefer a nicer boat)! Caroline is my bestie but people have questioned her sexuallity before, but i never have i thing shes straight as a stick! but sticks then again can have their bumps but i think its that way for every one! once in your life you get a little quirious and want to exsplore the same sex, mabye carolines "exploring" just happened sooner then other girls in junior high! But it hasnt happened for me yet, and i think it'll be a long while before it will ever happen! yikes i still thinks its fucking fucked up!

Feb. 27 2011-Miller May

Yesterday Rebecca spent the night. I regretted trying to believe she was a good friend because as soon as she left both my eyeliners dissappered with her! Also i have totally fallen into something! love
I'm in love with Miller May and eighth grader at our school whos recently single! Hes so amazing! He likes the same things i do (from what i have gathered) and i had a dream about him and me!!! we kissed in the dream! but i have to go now my mother wont stop pestering me!!!

Feb. 16 2011- tierd

its 11:58 P.M right now. After this I'm going to sleep. Today i got banned from chat on secret zen because i asked a guy a question and he got mad. Also Lewis made fun of the yesterday, i cried and Theo laughed about it today. Someone had farted near out table, we accused people and then Lewis says "I think Beverly's pussy stinks" then they laughed. But i want to forget, I'm so sad about that! This weekend I'm spending the night with Ashley then her, me, and Shelby are going shopping! I'm tired as hell, bye going to sleep... now!

I'm listening to cheatercheaterbestfriendeater by never shout never! Its a cool song! This music video is funny! Rebecca's still hasn't spoken with me, i don't think she will. Also today my dad,mom, and me are going later to have dinner. If you don't know my father doesn't live with us anymore, my mom and him are separated. They might move back in with each other down in Florida after my dad gets sober. I'm also debating whether i should put my blog link on secretzen.com its a website where people can secretly post secrets. I think i would get more followers that way!

Feb. 10 2011- begin good end bad

Today was good. I walked in and and went to drama, me and Garit made plans to spend the night this weekend. But then it all crumbled when Logan had the bright idea to draw a smily face on my miss me jeans which cost 90$ not includeing tax. I was so pissed! but my day went on and after school i went to student council (which im not a member of ) and hung out with my friends. But Rebecca was being a bitch and makin fun of me so i cancled our plans. Then when i get home, on facebook and text messages shes cusing me out about how im such a bitch and was never a friend blah blah blah! So i told her our friendship is over. i thought she was a friend but obviously not enough although i think we'll get over it sooner or later. we said some really nasty thing to each other. i cried because i thought i'd lost one of the bestest friends i've ever had, i apologized but i dont think shes forgivin me. i cried over this girl! and if you knew me you'd know i do not cry that often!

Feb. 9 2011- Never Shout Never

Hey im (right now) listening to What is Love? by Never Shout Never. Its an fucking awsome song! Yesterday, i told Garit that i was moving and she cried a little. i felt bad and made "imaginary' plans that i would live with her at her house, if only our plan could be reality. But im exsited about movinng! Really, i cant wait to wake up every morning to a beautieful beach and go to sleep with the view of the sunset! Its going to be great! Although here in Gerorgia today at school, Lewis was looking through some random makeup bag some girl had left in the cafiteria. We started to walk down the hall to leave back to class, when me and Angelita perswaded Lewis to go back and steal some concealer! He then came back with the wrong stuff so he went back and got the right thing. Its Victoria Secret Shimmer Body Powder. Its sparkely! I really like it but when i told my mother she wasn't pleased. well i'll talk to you later! HASTA LUEGO! (spanish for see you later!)

P.S- on March 24, im getting surgery in Atlanta for my scoliosis. Im getting two metal rods screwed into my back! sound greusome huh?! but (really no joke!) im not scared, i think ill be scared right before thy knock me out with their mumbo jumbo junk. but right now, no im not scared.

Feb. 5 2011- bitches

today my friend Savannah is coming over. although shes my friend im not pleased with her at the moment. i stopped talking about him, i really did he only came up when she mentioned him! then she cries to her friends who call me and yell at me for not dropping the subject. they said they would fight me and that i was trash and needed to back off. and how Savannah really loves him, well heres a news flash for yah! i love him too! so im not gunna 'back off' thoose bitches can suck it! but i wont ever speak of Zack around Savannah again! really now that i think about it, if we arnt even dateing and he's causing this much trouble in my life! i dont wanna think about what its like to date him! pluse he hasnt texed me for days and its like hes a stranger. i think our realtionship has come to an end. and thank god it did!
p.s i boaught a shane dawson T-shirt and owl city bracelet and red glasses. they fucking rock!

Feb. 3 2011- scribbles

Im drawing! Its a cute picture, i have one of my family my two brother's families and my other brother who has no family...yet. At school today i was standing outside waiting for my ride which was to come a 5:15 and then my bestfriend and the wrost/funniest kid in the school came up to me. Cameron (wrost/funniest kid) and me talked until Rebecca(best friend) came up to us. We dicided to walk around the school. He came to the back where the portables are. Ms.Sands the evil bitch from hell wasnt in her portable so we dared Cameron to go inside and write foul language on the bord. We then dicided to blame it on an inoccent boy named Logan who's a fag. (sigh) what a day! He wrote bitch and asswhole on the bord, wonder whats going to happen tommorow?

Febuary 2 2011-any other day

hi today was nice. i got home though and found that the computer didnt want to work so i couldnt watch skins. but i did however find out some gossip news last night. i texted my cousin, who lives in california, and found out she has been smokeing since she was 14, has had sex many times, and smokes weed! isnt my family swell! most of them are drugs users and alcholics!!! yipie! anyway im feeding my fish as we speak, his bowl needs to be cleaned. my mother made nasty dinner like always. i read some more of a book called bad girls dont die its pretty good but creepy!!! and i was alone in the house!!! scary! a girl i once knew and cared for ALOT chated with me on facebook then she gave me her number to text her! we were very close in a way most wouldnt understand. well good bye and OPPS! one more thing! today in world history we created pass ports and mine is all...ALL PURPLE!!! its my favorite color!

Feb. 1 2011- Skins

skins, the best show on the face of the planet! although it has nudity,sex,drugs,cursing, and more! its just amazing!!! my friend showed it to me, but dont tell her! she'll call it copying, but last i check anyone can watch the show! in the show Tony, is pretty cute, but Cris is right up there but not good enough. Sid is cute but not like Tony cut like nerdy childish cute, like the way you see a little kid, that cute. Jal, is kind of a bitch, but so is Michel!!! Sid loves her and treats her right but shes in love with Tony because hes hot. although he cheats on her and doesnt love her like Sid does. Cassie is the wierdest! she a small anorexic mental case! and she likes Sid! she has a eating disorder and is like a high hippie all the time "wow, thats amazing i love boats they go places" that sort of shit. then you have this other guy with doesnt have a big part i forget his name, hes gay. then a muslium guy and i forgot his name too. it fucking funny though! and there alot of sex in it. and Cris uses drugs ALOT! but he mother recently left him and he fixing him self....i think. if you think this show is like the Tudors or Dexter where the only show womens boobs. NO!!! they showed Cris's balls and a couple womens Vagina! bye watch skins if your old enough!!!

hey tonight i had to write this before i went to sleep. im officially a super jerk! my friend savannah the one who knows the bog down stairs zack, and me and kinda got us to know each other. well me and Zack had a great afternoon. we liked talk and played some of his stupid games but it was good. after i kept going on and on to savannah about it. until we had a 3 way on the phone and her friend exspained to me how i was acting. i had known savannah liked him...alot! and i rubbed it in about how we were spending time together and stuff. and how we layed on his bed and talked for an hour. but i didnt relize how it effected her. i feel like a whore now. i feel guilty and like shit. i like him alot but i have to choose weather i like me and savannah friendship more then zacks likeing of me. but i learned my lesson! and i wont...WONT make the same mistake twice!

Jan. 30 2011-Florida!

hey, im here listening to lady gaga. i still cant see how she came up with the name, mabye its so all viewers, ALL VIEWERS EVEN BABIES can say her name! probally not though... any way, the guy down stairs, he has been texting me! we kinda are getting to know each other! but he'll never break up with his girlfriend for me. also i went down town today! me and my mother took pictures of the buildings and junk! we got some pretty good ones. then she told me to look pretty and she took pictures of me...not cool mom! not cool. i hate pictures! my mother says im beautiful, but arnt all mother sapost to tell their daughters that? even if your daughter is an ugly peice of shit? i woud but i think im going to have pretty children. my mom was beautiful judging by the pictues in our old photo albums. she had long brown wavy hair, young pretty face, and thats when she was 18. when she married my dad! she had curly redish brown hair and a beautiful face! i however have my dads - you heard right DADS- brownish, unatractive wavy hair... it thick too. it takes me FOREVER to straighten it! but its alright when its finished. my mother wants to move to florida, after my surgery in Atlanta. i have scoliosis, and have to get two metal rods put in my back! but after we are going to the sunshine state! did you know about 6-8 major alligator attacks happen in Florida every year! and that...lets just say it isnt that pretty during fall-winter. its more like the stormy,hurricany,raining state!

jan. 28 2011- suckish day.

hey my life took a turn for the wrost. my parents seperated, i almost got evicted and my door got kicked in while some guy tried to rob me but my alarm went off, nothing was taken. but i did how ever meet a cute, (same age) boy who told my friend he thought i was cute. (idk if he REALLY likes me, lets hope so) and my 'friend' was sapost to come over tonight and we were gunna see him because she knows both of us. exspet she thought my apts. were ghetto and left to visit a friend in another town and caceled our plans without even telling me!!! (what a bitch!!!) so now im sad.